*breathe*

Aug. 12th, 2009 08:16 pm
Dear Universe,

I'm sorry for my tanty this morning. It was completely over the top and unnecessary and I apologise. I know you don't hate me, but thank you for reminding me of that by highlighting the lovely, generous and wonderful people I have in my life, who have better Amazon-fu than me, and were able to direct me to the book I want for a fraction of the price of the single one I have found. They rock, and so do you for giving them to me.

I flipped out this morning because I haven't been taking very good care of myself and my needs and I know that if I don't take care of myself then I can't appreciate the good stuff you have on offer, and I get easily overwhelmed by the challenges. I will get myself back on track and until I am, I will try to remember to be kind to myself, others, and you.

Love and respect,
Tam xo
quiregrrl: (Miss Piggy)
I've been a little quiet on the actual journalling of my life these past few weeks. I keep meaning to, and composing things in my head to post on here at a later time, but then never quite getting to it.

I had a few weeks of craziness and learnt a valuable lesson about the dangers of letting my meds run out, then I got more meds and had some more craziness getting back on them (and in both instances I do mean "craziness" in the context of "really quite nuts", rather than the "gosh my life is busy and chaotic right now" way). The last couple of weeks I have been gradually stabilising and getting back to some semblance of what passes for normal these days. I am more inclined to use any journalling as a form of therapy, dumping all the bad stuff and negative thoughts and things that are bothering me, attention-whoring when I feel insecure, and ignoring it when I am doing ok. It ends up as a somewhat unbalanced record of life unfortunately, but that's part of why I haven't been journalling so much lately.

The other reason is that I have been writing fiction. I seem to have hit a creative burst and am feeling compelled to write quite a lot. Different ideas for stories keep popping into my head, and I find myself frequently wishing that I could just be at home in the peace and quiet of my nest with my laptop, a bottle of coke zero and a pack of smokes, writing and creating. Any other writing feels kind of pointless, sucking up precious time that I could be writing stories by writing about my own life. And in some ways the worlds of my fictions feel more real to me, a sure sign I'm living too much in my head perhaps.

Some things have dragged me away from my head, and managed to filter through to my reality however.

I had the joy of babysitting Roisin. She is just the most delightful and adorable baby ever! Spent close to an hour and a half hanging out and playing with her, and laughing at her antics, we even had a dance to the music from one of her toys. Too soon it was her bedtime, and I can honestly say I have never babysat a child who was as easy to put to bed as she is. I spent the rest of the night in front of my laptop writing writing writing. But Kitty, if you're reading this, I love your little girl and ANY time you need a babysitter feel free to give me a call :)

The day after (Sunday 15th) I trekked to conservative straightsville (Oatley) for the christening of Maeve. I was there early and sat across the road from the catholic church in the shade, feeling conspicuous and wishing I could be at home in bed, or at home writing, or anywhere else but there. I felt even more conspicuous as the morning service finished and the congregation started piling out of the church. It made me reflect on the places I go and people I see on a regular basis... the parts of Sydney that I frequent are shared by people from a mix of races, backgrounds, and stations in life. I always find it somewhat disconcerting then when I am forced to venture into other parts of Sydney that seem to have been forgotten by time and immigration. The christening was fortunately very quick, especially for a catholic service, we had the most no-nonsense priest I've ever seen... there were three babies being christened, and we were in and out of the church in just under 25 minutes. NICE! The whole congregation laughed at Maeve when the priest was asking the parents and godparents if they rejected Satan and she chose that moment to blow a raspberry :) Everyone walked down the hill afterwards to the pub for lunch and drinks and celebrating... I stuck it out for an hour and then ran away. I knew barely anyone and it was a room full of straight married couples, and old people... eep!

School night fun was had last week... couching with bb, cheapo-day-before-pay-day dinner provided by me, cider and movie provided by him... we watched Tin Man, which is a very cool "re-imagining" of the Wizard of Oz, starring Zooey Deschanel and Alan Cumming (he's the scarecrow, and has a zipper down the middle of his head where his brain was taken out)... it's a fair bit darker, there are moments that seem rather Tim Burton inspired, and overall I highly recommend it!! it was originally made as a TV mini-series, so it's on two DVD's, which we didn't realise, so by the time we watched all of it (there was no question of stopping after the first one) it was rather late, but well worth staying up for!

The next evening I went from work to the Den for a play date with [livejournal.com profile] freeq... she strung me up between the columns and flogged the snot out of me... literally... there was smacking and punching to warm up... soooooooo long since anyone has punched me, sweet jeebus it was nice. Then came the flogging, she worked through a few different floggers, the ones I remember are the big thuddy red one, which is lovely and like a loving massage and makes me go all melty, and the cat, which stings and bites and hurts like hell and I fucking love it! The joy of playing in private, with someone you know and trust, is that there is no need to take the sensibilities or concerns of anyone who might be watching into account as well, and you can keep going past when you may have to stop in public. For instance, when the person being flogged is blubbing, with tears and snot running down her face, and giggling at the same time, and completely incoherent and incapable of speaking... coz that's where I got to, and darling gorgeous wonderful Freeq didn't stop at that point... *happy sigh* ... I discovered that being strung up between columns instead of against a cross means that even with hands cuffed and bound out to the sides above my head, I can turn 180 degrees when my boobies are being whacked with a little flogger... which was hilarious and I was terribly pleased with myself (in that brattish way I have) until she just stepped in close behind me so I was stuck with my arms crossed above my head and I had zero options when she reached around with a crop to whack at my boobies... other than standing there and squealing and giggling :) It was so much fun :) When she eventually let me down, my back was ridged and solid, burning hot and deliciously aching :) I puddled on the couch, happy puddle of Tam... and then at some point after we'd both come down a bit, she made the nommest steak sandwiches ever... twas a very awesome date :)

More updating later...
quiregrrl: (BoUnCy!)
Does anyone on my f'list have Missy Elliot or Hilltop Hoods CD's? It's not for me...

On the way in this morning the bus was packed, so I was standing right at the front, and did my usual "Good morning how are you?" when I dipped my ticket... this driver usually ignores anything any passenger says, but I got a response this morning!! Now, you have to imagine this in a flat, droll monotone with a german accent, ok? (I mean, you can imagine it in a lilting jamaican accent if you like, but bus driver had the german monotone... I just sounded like me, but if you want to imagine me with an accent, by all means... )

Me: Good morning how are you?
Him: Morning for sure, good not so much. On Sydney buses it is never good, never never good.
Me: Oh, dear, maybe it's time for a change in jobs then?
Him: 30 years ago was time for take your advice, go and be potato farmer.
Me: Well it's never too late (as he shuts the doors, and the traffic lights change, blocking us at the stop)
Him: 13 minutes later from getting to this stop and still here, and people ask why buses run late. Because everything is always too late.

I kind of wanted to give him a hug and pats... but also found it hard not to laugh, the dour germanic monotone made it seem somehow amusing...

Surprise Tam did a mad mercy dash across the city in her lunch break today, tackling sydney buses, dodging shoppers and lunchers, swinging past The Cupcake Factory for to purchase a chili chocolate cupcake and deliver it to someone in desperate need of a Surprise Tam, a big hug and a chili chocolate cupcake... the grin when I was spotted outside recipients office and the greeting of "you're a bit mental, you are", and the hugging and the grinning made all the mad dashing entirely worth it :) Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to make someone elses crap day better :)

Then I came back to the office and taught the potplant about "magic hands"... he was having trouble printing reports from teh database, and asked if I'd print it for him... so I did, and after clicking print I did the magic woo-woo hands at the computer and then waved them towards the printer and as I waved them at the printer, the little light came on and it revved up and out popped his report. He was confused as to why it printed for me and not him, so I said "Magic Woo-Woo Hands" and made him try it, and LO!! his reports printed!! He thinks I'm a nutter, but it WORKED and so i told him he may just have to do that all the time now. He needs to pull the stick out of his backside and learn to laugh at himself, I've never met anyone so terrified of being caught doing anything remotely fun or silly.

I have a wee bit of mania today... well... right now at least... oh, and for anyone wondering yes I am back on my meds as of Tuesday... yay me!

We shall soon return you to your regular programming.

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quiregrrl

April 2014

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