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Went to St's for dinner tonight... Lo is overseas at the moment for work, so he's been lonely all the way out there at Engadine with just the dog for company... was lovely to spend some time with just he and I, can't remember the last time we've just hung out together... made me kind of wistful for the way our friendship used to be, not that it's not good now because it is, it's just different. I guess that's part of getting older, life changes, people change, and our relationships change... I know how blessed I am that in spite of everything that has happened in the 9 years I've known him we still have such a strong friendship, he was home to me through the hardest years of my life so far, and getting to spend time with him tonight reminded me that he will always be home to me in one way or another... it also made me realise that the changes in our relationship are mostly due to me, he has not changed essentially since I met him, his circumstances have, but who he is as a person, his core, has not changed... he has always had this sense of tranquility to him, and it is that essential part of him that I love so much... when I am with him, when I let myself get into the groove of St, there is a calmness and peace and quietness... I on the other hand have always been a storm compared to him, and who I am as a person has altered dramatically since he first entered my life... I used to wish that I could have that same quietness and surety in my soul that he has, and i feel like finally I am finding that place in myself...
As we sat on the couch tonight, talking of nothing and laughing at everything, I got to thinking what an odd pair we are, how strange that he and I should be friends. The quiet, reserved, calm, logical, rational, sensible, religious, family-oriented, suburban, somewhat conservative man, and the chaotic, drama-queen, noisy, talkative, emotional, urban dyke, with piercings and tattoos and shaved head and a tendency to thumb her nose at "the norms" of society... strange and miraculous that we are friends, that there is love and understanding and respect.... stranger still that we used to be lovers... remarkable that through anger, and heartbreak, and madness, and attempted suicide, and emotional roller-coasters, and coming out, and marriage, we are still friends and there remains such affection and joy in that friendship... one of my greatest achievements in life I think, even though I suspect it's more a testament to his ability to weather the storm, than anything positive I did...
As we sat on the couch tonight, talking of nothing and laughing at everything, I got to thinking what an odd pair we are, how strange that he and I should be friends. The quiet, reserved, calm, logical, rational, sensible, religious, family-oriented, suburban, somewhat conservative man, and the chaotic, drama-queen, noisy, talkative, emotional, urban dyke, with piercings and tattoos and shaved head and a tendency to thumb her nose at "the norms" of society... strange and miraculous that we are friends, that there is love and understanding and respect.... stranger still that we used to be lovers... remarkable that through anger, and heartbreak, and madness, and attempted suicide, and emotional roller-coasters, and coming out, and marriage, we are still friends and there remains such affection and joy in that friendship... one of my greatest achievements in life I think, even though I suspect it's more a testament to his ability to weather the storm, than anything positive I did...
