Fur People

Why is it that bad things always seem to happen in batches??

Most people I know do not see animals as "just" animals, they are little people with fur... my friends and family don't have "pets", they have families that include fur-people... and the loss of these fur-people bites just as deeply as it would to lose a two-legged family member...

C is still mourning the recent loss of his beautiful fur-boy Major, and my heart aches for him...

This afternoon my mum rang me to tell me that she took my canine fur-person, Scamp, to the vets today for a check-up, she's been a bit slow and sleeping a lot of late... but then, she is 13 years old... unfortunately the vet said she has heart failure, and is retaining heaps of excess fluid which is making her lethargic and uncomfortable... without medication she would likely be dead by the middle of next week. He has put her on two kinds of medication and she has to go back on Friday to see if it's helping... I cried on the phone when mum told me... especially as I can't be there, and in reality I probably won't get to see her again before she dies and that breaks my heart... I was there when she was born and even though she has lived with my mum for the last 8 years, she has always been my baby, and a big part of my life until mum moved to Tassie... I hate the thought of her dying, and I hate having to face the reality that she doesn't have much time left...

And then about an hour after I got off the phone from mum, I got a text message from the Goddess in NZ, telling me that her feline fur-person was run over today... her partner found her and buried her and they are both horribly upset... Goddess can't stop crying...

It's not fair... makes me sad...

Dinner

Went to St's for dinner tonight... Lo is overseas at the moment for work, so he's been lonely all the way out there at Engadine with just the dog for company... was lovely to spend some time with just he and I, can't remember the last time we've just hung out together... made me kind of wistful for the way our friendship used to be, not that it's not good now because it is, it's just different. I guess that's part of getting older, life changes, people change, and our relationships change... I know how blessed I am that in spite of everything that has happened in the 9 years I've known him we still have such a strong friendship, he was home to me through the hardest years of my life so far, and getting to spend time with him tonight reminded me that he will always be home to me in one way or another... it also made me realise that the changes in our relationship are mostly due to me, he has not changed essentially since I met him, his circumstances have, but who he is as a person, his core, has not changed... he has always had this sense of tranquility to him, and it is that essential part of him that I love so much... when I am with him, when I let myself get into the groove of St, there is a calmness and peace and quietness... I on the other hand have always been a storm compared to him, and who I am as a person has altered dramatically since he first entered my life... I used to wish that I could have that same quietness and surety in my soul that he has, and i feel like finally I am finding that place in myself...

As we sat on the couch tonight, talking of nothing and laughing at everything, I got to thinking what an odd pair we are, how strange that he and I should be friends. The quiet, reserved, calm, logical, rational, sensible, religious, family-oriented, suburban, somewhat conservative man, and the chaotic, drama-queen, noisy, talkative, emotional, urban dyke, with piercings and tattoos and shaved head and a tendency to thumb her nose at "the norms" of society... strange and miraculous that we are friends, that there is love and understanding and respect.... stranger still that we used to be lovers... remarkable that through anger, and heartbreak, and madness, and attempted suicide, and emotional roller-coasters, and coming out, and marriage, we are still friends and there remains such affection and joy in that friendship... one of my greatest achievements in life I think, even though I suspect it's more a testament to his ability to weather the storm, than anything positive I did...