Question

[quiregrrl]

For those of you still around and reading in LJ land, please feel free to weigh in on this one...

how do you (you personally, not generic youse) know you're IN love with someone? what's the defining difference between the love you feel for a partner-type-person, and the love you feel for a good friend, or family member, or favorite author, or activity, or that thing you own??

I'm pondering on the different kinds of love and the intersections of partnership, friendship, family, sex and romance... and I'm interested in others' thoughts...

Comments

[doctornurse.livejournal.com]

I have been pondering since you asked this... I think for me, like the rascalqueen says, it's all of the love and lust feelings you might have for a mate, or a fuck buddy, plus something else.

I know when I was single, I would really enjoy spending time with a mate, or fuck buddy or fling, and would be all 'la la la la' the day after hot sex. When I got together with S though I realised something else was happening. It was like suddenly the stakes were much higher, it was a much scarier, more exciting ride. That was the 'falling in love' part, I think. I don't think it has to be mutual, but I did feel like it would rip my heart out if the feelings weren't reciprocated.

Being in love is different again. In terms of actions it's not so much different to loving friends or family in that you have their back & they have yours, and you are willing to put up with their drama and grumpiness as well the fun stuff. Every so often we get the 'falling in love' bit coming on again though, and in a secure relationship it's not so scary and more buzzy.

Edited to add: at different times in my life I would have answered this differently. I no longer confuse feelings of 'drama' with feelings of love, for example.

Ok edited again: S says being in love for him s about a feeling of trust that if I go, I' m always coming back to him. Falling in love was terror that I was never coming back!

[quiregrrl.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your thoughts... I love how you distinguish between the falling and the being in love, and I really really love S's distinction between the two, that's quite beautiful really! Please tell him thank you for his input!

I like your point about "drama", I think I've misconstrued intense lust and infatuation and drama for "in love" before...

Anyhow, more food for thought, thank you!

[doctornurse.livejournal.com]

Thank you for asking the question!